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Hey friend,
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Let’s cut through the fluff:

That person didn’t trigger you.

They exposed you.

They didn’t insert anger, insecurity, or shame into your body like some kind of emotional syringe.
They just happened to poke the exact spot where your unprocessed stuff was already living.

Congratulations—you weren’t attacked.
You were revealed.

And that’s not a problem.
That’s a portal.

The Myth of “They Made Me Feel This Way”

We love to blame.

• “He made me feel small.”
• “She made me feel dismissed.”
• “They triggered my abandonment wound.”

Here’s the reality:
No one can make you feel anything that isn’t already echoing around inside of you.

If someone’s behavior can shake your sense of worth, value, or safety…
it’s not because they’re powerful.
It’s because there’s a part of you that still believes the story they activated.

Triggers aren’t invasions.
They’re mirrors.

Uncomfortable? Sure.
Unfair? Sometimes.
But untrue? Never.

The Neuroscience of Getting Poked

Let’s get geeky for a second.

Your emotional reactions aren’t happening in the moment.
They’re being pulled from memory.

The amygdala (your brain’s threat detection center) doesn’t distinguish between “this happened just now” and “this feels like that thing from 15 years ago.”

So when someone “triggers” you, your system’s not responding to them.
​It’s responding to the unresolved emotion their behavior echoes.

They’re just the stimulus.
The meaning lives in you.

From Reactivity to Responsibility

Now, let’s be clear:

This isn’t about excusing toxic behavior.
It’s about reclaiming your response.

Because the moment you stop making other people responsible for your emotions…
…you become powerful.

Not hard. Not numb.
​Clear.

Instead of trying to control other people, you become curious about yourself.

“What did that moment wake up in me?”
“Where have I felt this before?”
“What belief just got surfaced that I haven’t healed yet?”

That’s how triggers become teachers.
That’s how pain becomes practice.
That’s how people stop being threats—and start being guides.

The “Trigger-to-Teacher” Practice

Try this the next time someone lights you up emotionally:

1. Pause before reacting.
   ​ Yes, even if they “deserve” it.
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2. Breathe into the sensation, not the story.
   ​ What’s happening in your body right now?
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3. Ask:
   ​ “What old belief is being touched here?”
   “Who taught me to feel this way in the first place?”
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4. Say silently (or out loud if you’re wild):
   ​ “Thank you for showing me where I’m still holding on.”

Just recently my son spilled breakfast all over himself and the floor. He obviously didn’t do it purposely, but I still reacted. I lashed out a bit and said something about being more careful.

But this has nothing to do with him. There was still a pattern in me that said “when you’re careless, bad things happen”. This was residue from me trying to control everything after I lost my father.

When we get triggered, even if it hurts, say “thank you”.

It doesn’t mean they were right.
It means they were useful.

And your nervous system just got another chance to update its wiring.

Final Thought

People don’t trigger you.
They reveal the parts of you that are still waiting to be reclaimed.

And while your ego may hate it…
your freedom depends on it.

So the next time someone hits a nerve, don’t reach for control.
Reach for curiosity.

Because every reaction is a breadcrumb.
Every wound is a doorway.
And every trigger is a flashlight pointing to where you get to set yourself free.

Nic

PS. → Want a system that can use a trigger to rewire your “Neural Signature”? Join the Neuroscience of Change - an online program rewiring what’s really running you. Name your own price (Pay What You Can) to get your hands on this powerful program.

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